THE POSITIVE. THE NEGATIVE

i don't have anywhere to go.

it's extremely hard to embrace lonliness.

we're all tired and so many of us have lost the ache for new colors.



except for me.

i miss it and i don't. such a wishful thinker. i wish you knew how much i cared. what i say doesn't come close. but i can't handled one sided anything so...yeah. it's okay though. here goes our next adventure. are you ready?

i see people as so small. in small aspects, the small things about them, as small to begin with. the person who lets me show them all the small things i've learned to combine together and love for the big person they are, will in return be given my love.

i like the person i am becoming.

i apologize for my explosion of anger yesterday.


three days. i am so fucking excited.

i hate highschool and i hate you all.

today was bad.

you're all a bunch of god damn sinners. where is your conscience?

FUCK THAT.

whoever you are, and wherever you go, i will always remember you.

why do people put fucking spaces in between the last word of a sentence and the period that is supposed to end it? are they afraid to make something finalized? so fucking annoying. and it's fucking stupid i get the old "please dont feel that way, i have too much to worry about". well congratulations, as if to think i'm just gonna feel better because YOU have shit to worry about. god damn. why is it so hard for colors to blend in my life? i really want to know the answer to that fucking question. this summer is going to suck.

i want to take dance lessons so bad. i think it's insanely beautiful how people can dance like theyre fully in the music. like the sound waves are pulsating through their body. i want do that.

i still feel it. please come home soon. please wake up. please.

i'm meeting the governor tomorrow.

you know those nights where everything just falls into place and you really feel like you're sitting where you are for a huge reason? and you feel important and you feel at one with the stars and the music and the silence in the car shared between the people in it? yeah, you know that kind of night? cause i really bet you do.

I hope you're happy. i hope you're all happy

being alone was okay. dinner was good. fire works were pretty. the shore was good. i look like a lobster. today was nice. i'm learning the distance between your steps, it's nice. it's such a nice feeling knowing potential is being used. yay :D

i had such a good day

everything is connected

sometimes, things just feel so fucking good.
i don't want to talk anyomre.

working out makes me feel good.

i want to make a list. here goes:

-sing.
-buy a hammock.

-read all of the 21 books that i need to read.
-finish the scrap book.
-make a better year box.
-make a better bbyo box.
-run.
-run away.
-no.
-become closer.
-feel it.
-FIND it.
-play in the mud.
-play in a lake. with the girl who has a ladder.
-stop being afraid.
-stop pushing.
-stop making excuses.
-stop caring so much.
-start smiling.
-start walking upright.
-start feeling.
-learn.
-feel.
-interact.
-don't wear so much makeup.
-wear my hair curly.
-lay in the grass.
-swim.
-spend the night.
-release.
-get closer with angie.
-touch you.
-stop pushing away something that could form again (ron)
-remember that pronouns are useless.
-TRUST TRUST TRUST TRUST.
-train. yes.
-just fucking stop it allllllllllllllllllllllllllljsd khaskdhasd.

i hate the way i'm always scared. for every aspect whether it be school, getting into college, keeping friendships, being able to keep my house, being able to keep my family, being able to keep money, keep my confidence, make frineds, talk to people about things i feel passionate about, moving. i hate this. i feel pathetic. i am more than this and i am more than i let myself be. i am more than these walls.
i hate the way you all cave into eachother. i hate the way you all just have such a fucking thirst for dependancy. man up, why don't you. you are completely fine. you have always been completely fine. i love the way, even though you cave, the way your curves are. you wouldn't approve of me saying that but i do. i want to experience everything i've experienced all over again.
i dont care if you don't understand. i don't care if you have questions. i don't care if you don't want to come with me. i don't care if want to look at me weird. i don't care if you think i'm stupid. i don't fucking care. i need to do something to release the rest of everything. i feel it. it's right below the surface. i love that i can feel it. running doesn't help, i need something better. i have shoes. now i'm gonna find the road and i'm gonna do it all by my fucking self. thank you.

i cant decideee

nsiah or sganitttt. asdkhasd, so back and forth
this is funny

no matter how good i feel, i always feel an empty void and i have no idea what it's going to take to fill it.