i have nothinggggggggggggggggggggggg to say.
same old shit, and nothing really means too much
girls
iwantsomeone
change is coming
school is easy
rageeeeeeeeee every single weekend
boys
progression
progression
progression
happiness
progression
YA

why do i like smoking weed so muchhhhhhh?

lol. now that i've successfully gottten you to a place in which i am comfortable having you, my longing for has faded. that's so ironic

dont know how to open myself
dont dont
dont
know how to


i need embrace. i need comfort. i need sex. i need you. i need someone.
i want to open the parts tucked away saftely. i want to be open.
i long to intertwine. submerge myself deeply. let go. let go. go. i want to drown your body in tender kisses. (who the fuck is you, anyway?...there's nobody there) i miss connection. connection feels impossible. almost useless to try, just something that will never be. but i want to embrace you. carress your figure. tell you that youre everything i will need.

for awhile i had forgotten the darkness.
for awhile it was gone.
but
it found me.
again.

i don't know what i long for.
i no longer have a reason to swim this current.
i fear all people are the same. all reactions and interactions and situations are just images that don't mean anything.
the world is happening without me. i am a piece of dust among thousands. so many others. i have no ordinary techniques...i am not going to change the world. mediocrity is dime. but it is hell as well. i am again left with the feeling that nobody wants or needs me or thinks about me. i don't change anyones life. i have pushed people away. i'm not sure if i should bring them back or not. i dont know why i did that. or, do that. i guess in ways i don't trust myself. okay. thoughts through words. meh. makes things feel robotic and i dont know if i like that.
next.
i forget my thoughts i forget myself. i sink again

finallly...YES!

"a friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow. " -William Shakespeare.


this is exactly my thought process on what a true friend is and i really would enjoy more people who fit into this definition as well as vise versa.

i feel pretty out of place today.

i feel like one of the loneliest people ever.

delete people on fb

job

homework

goals

planplanplanplan

new hobbies

schedule

mindset

lists

where is my sense. where where where
need structure need a job need something new need clarity need something to fall on.

there really isn't anything to say. nothing to be extremely happy about. nothing to be sad or angry about. no boy to gush over. no new exciting friends. things are normal lol. it's a new year. many many changes and re-do's and corrections shall be made

reminder:

need to make new years goalsss/review 2010