the more you fucking say I love you the more I starting to fucking hate you

the closer you try to get to me the more I want you gone.
if defenses are meant to be subconscious
what happens when they're conscious?

I am trying to give a little. or am I?
do I give myself enough credit?
do I give myself too much credit?

I do not want to be smothered.

I tied to be like everyone but noooo

There is something deeply emotionally contorted about me

I AM STILL GETTING DRUNK TO MAKE THINGS FEEL BETTER

I AM STILL GETTING DRUNK TO MAKE THINGS FEEL BETTER

LOVE IS NOT FUCKING ROOTED IN LONELINESS

Drinking without blacking out or until my need is fulfilled is weird but also feels good.