What am I guided towards?

Healthy Eating
spirituality
nature
yoga/meditation

farmers markets
farming
simple
being open and connected; free
small groups
earth and/or dark colors

prog metal

all I ever do is hide
all we ever do is hide

define first, create later.


LIFE WILL NEVER THE SAME AS IT IS RIGHT NOW. EVER, EVER AGAIN. EVER!!!!!!

fucking graduating in 3 WEEKS. how did I get here? where am i going? wtf is happening????

I miss being a kid and just going after what felt right. What felt real. There was no rational behind it, it's just what you were propelled towards and guided to. What happens to that? Where does it go?

one of the most profound thoughts i've ever had was that those who feel the need to seek a god outside of themselves are not looking closely enough inward. and that everything you need from a god is actually inside of you. nothing outside of you can save you, only yourself. even things manifested as an outside deity are merely your own perceptions. subjective in nature.

I lose it and gain it back and lose it and gain it back and repeat over and over and over and over again.

yes no yes no yes no yes no
i am enough i'm not enough i am not enough i'm not enough i am enough im not enough
i like this i hate this i like this i hate i like this i hate this
i want this i don't want this i want this i don't want this i want this i dont want this

back and forth and back and forth and back and forever forever and ever and ever

I keep having a recurring mental image of me taking a very hot shower and then leaning against the back wall and slowly slipping down, forward, until i'm completely lying on my back with the steaming hot water drowning me.

This is how I feel about my life right now.