i hate my brain.


i was in such a good mood all day.
then i come home and start over thinking everything.
and now i can't stop.
i feel like i'm just wrong about everything.
i feel like i miss everything and it's so unintentional.
the good things people do i am not invited to.
the times i could be making friends at school i am working instead.
all of the memories people make i am not there for.
people don't call me. don't think about me.
i hope i don't regret this.
well. i'd only regret it if i allow myself to regret it.
but. i'm really afraid this is going to affect my friendships.
i really want to make friendships.
i don't know. i'm scared. i'm really really scared.
and i dont know how some people see me as outgoing but it's not true.
i am scared i am doing this all wrong. i want to esscape from my shell.
why does this always have to happen?