incomplete sentences

still just trying to keep myself afloat. wanting to indulge myself more and more each day. making goals to learn 1 new thing a day, and then I want to also write a review about it to help gain better talent with writing. also wanting to analyze people in my own secretive ways just to test myself. it'd be cool to keep a tab on each person i analyze that includes their answers to the questions i present to them. I think this is a good way to help me progress in the areas I want to be progress towards. Not really caring if it's creepy because it's just for me, and not for harmful purposes. Also wanting to learn more about philosophy and space and other branches oh pysch. Processes are not meant to be short, I guess. Also still fantasizing about women but it's really a man who wears scruff all the time and who likes to wear dress shoes with jeans, that I really long for. But most of all I just really fucking long for some inner peace. It's super hard to get to the place I want to be and to push away the negative thoughts and to be able to actually say yes when I want nothing more (and simultaneously nothing LESS) than to say no. no no no no. with this feeling also comes the ever some increasing feeling with the fact that time is limited and eventually I will wake up and walk out the door to complete and utter silence and realize that I have just awakened while everyone is sleeping, and all the time everybody was out being active, I did nothing but hide. and I don't want...nobody would want that. Still needed to let go of the feeling that I am frozen inside. Not really sure where it comes from or why it persists, that's why I want to talk to someone about it. I guess it's good that I notice these thigns but I still become utterly at a loss for words and all thoughts once I am in the company of uncomfortable beings. I really don't like that this happens and am trying, with all of my energy, to escape it. Even going as far as to devote an entire composition book to it or even part (or whole) of my walls. blah blah blah blah I need to study econ and I will just ramble all day long.

slowlybutsurely

slowly but surely