I REALLY SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT I'VE BEEN MEETING PEOPLE AND GETTING INVOLVED. I ALWAYS TELL MYSELF THAT SLOWLY BUT FUCKING SHORTLY IT WILL ALL FALL INTO PLACE, FIT TOGETHER, WORK THE FUCK OUT. BUT THE OTHER PART OF ME TAKES OVER AND I START TO DOUBT MYSELF HATE MYSELF FALL BACK INTO OLD ROUTINES AND THEN I LOSE MY BALANCE AND HAVE TO START ALL FUCKING OVER AGAIN. IVE MADE PROGRESS BUT I LET MYSELF BE NEGATIVE AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EVER ESCAPE. I AM ADDICTED TO NEGATIVITY BECAUSE WITHOUT IT I'D BE EMPTY. WRONG MINDSET NO NO NO IN THE END IT ALL GOES AWAY