Last night I was reading a book and the main character was describing being a teenager and not being able to drive and having to ask his dad to drive his friend home early in the morning because he got sick. The character said he felt like he needed to say sorry before even asking his dad for anything. Didn't want to inconvience him.

I realized this was a very common feeling and occurance in my household as well.

Asking anything of my parents (both my mom/stepdad and my dad) always felt like I was pulling teeth. I t felt like it was such a chore for them to do something for me, and it wasn't an open invitation to ask for something. Asking for anything felt like I was taking them away from whatever else they were doing, like that was more important than helping or assisting me with what I needed. They didn't seem happy or open to doing things.

There's so much content out there that talks about how we subconsciously repeat patterns in our life. Or, said another way, you attract what you feel, or some other shit like that.

I just had to call my manager to ask him a question and I realized that I feel this EXACT SAME WAY when asking him for anything. And not only because of my internal beliefs that stem from my childhood, but because he's ACTUALLY busy and can't really handle taking any other questions or responsibilities. 

Realizing this, I just started laughing because it's actually ironic and very hilarious how TRUE it is that these cycles repeat themselves without our actual consciousness of it. So neat!