manifesting in action

 i've been wanting a really nice fish dinner, a white fish, that's kind of expensive and haven't really found a good place to get it. have been thinking about it a lot tho. yesterday at the country club the food runner came out with too many fish entrees and I took it to the back and ate it. the thought occurred to me that in a way, I manifested this. and although it wasn't a dinner at a restaurant that I paid for, I still got what I wanted! Manifesting things into existence looks different than we think, but it actually happened! I want to keep an ongoing list of these types of things, as a reminder :)

 I got drunk before work today (2 beers and a seltzer). 

Drinking alcohol isn't sustainable and this is my reminder.

 yo

the other day I went to the gym with Kelly and literally jogged for 25 MINUTES STRAIGHT.

I went from 4.5 - 5.5 mph. I'm sooo hype! muscle memory is 100% a thing. Literally could not even run a minute and a half at one point. Now look at me!!

 Last night I was reading a book and the main character was describing being a teenager and not being able to drive and having to ask his dad to drive his friend home early in the morning because he got sick. The character said he felt like he needed to say sorry before even asking his dad for anything. Didn't want to inconvience him.

I realized this was a very common feeling and occurance in my household as well.

Asking anything of my parents (both my mom/stepdad and my dad) always felt like I was pulling teeth. I t felt like it was such a chore for them to do something for me, and it wasn't an open invitation to ask for something. Asking for anything felt like I was taking them away from whatever else they were doing, like that was more important than helping or assisting me with what I needed. They didn't seem happy or open to doing things.

There's so much content out there that talks about how we subconsciously repeat patterns in our life. Or, said another way, you attract what you feel, or some other shit like that.

I just had to call my manager to ask him a question and I realized that I feel this EXACT SAME WAY when asking him for anything. And not only because of my internal beliefs that stem from my childhood, but because he's ACTUALLY busy and can't really handle taking any other questions or responsibilities. 

Realizing this, I just started laughing because it's actually ironic and very hilarious how TRUE it is that these cycles repeat themselves without our actual consciousness of it. So neat!

Sept 4 2025 category 4 hurricane destroy muami. Heard alexa Amazon say  it on tik tok. 

 Yesterday driving home I asked myself  "is it possible that life is going well for me right now?" and I really thought about what that means and looks like. Instead of creating problems or expecting life to be this hectic and stressful event constantly, life can actually be good. 

I create stress and problems with everything I do. 

Food isn't healthy enough, so I create stress around eating
I'm not doing a good enough job, so stress is created
Relationships aren't satisfying, stress is created

etc etc etc

But there's an expectation to that, a familiar energy, that can be changed

It's so hard to articulate it properly

But, life can just flow

Every second doesn't need to be thought of so deeply, things don't need to be read into as much

Life can simply be okay. Life can be going well. Relationships can be good, work can be going well, things can be okay. 

The worst thing a woman can be is DIRTY