i dont think anything can explain this transition and how happy it makes me. seriously. i've been a ball of gray dust for years on top of years. rolling around in filth that never ended because nobody truly got up to clean. so everything just kept piling in on itself. becoming bigger. growing larger. darker. harder. it was being hardened. i guess someone must have kicked it though. someone, or something. or, nah, they just put water on it. and it's all flattened now. back to the beginning. but there's never a beginning without an end. so, ya know. water always heals. the mind is a crazy place that i haven't even begun to understand. once you think you've learned all there is to learn about yourself, you change. you react differently to a situation. that's why teenagers are never happy. everything is so unstable because we're constantly shifting our ground. trying to not spend too much time on our right leg and carefully shuffling the weight onto our left. over and over. i wish i had a better explanation. i need a better explanation. it'll come. not right now though, lol. everything is falling
slowly
into place.
i can't believe i can say that without having it seem wrong or unrealistic. am i dreaming? no. i've been asleep for so long. i told everyone else they have to wake up but maybe IM the one that was stuck in the coma. that's so completely backwards it's right. i feel like i'm standing on my own ground instead of feeling the ground crumble the floorboards above my head. i know what people mean now. by new textures and colors and shapes. i'm realizing every little thing. i'm becoming the person i want to be. the person i am supposed to be. if there is even a such thing as "supposed to". you know what i mean, though. don't you? i've said things so many times being unsure. but this is different. this is the other side of the board. this is the upside down to the upside down. i feel fucking great. i know the steps. i can't look back. i can't drown myself. i know how to swim. and the fish help me. millions. many. among everybody. within everybody.

i could write forever.
i need to write a poem.
it'll come.

___
melt in the sun. melt in the sun. who wants to come with me and melt in the sun?
hide in the sky. hide in the sky. who wants to come with me and hide in the sky?