A bunch of horribly articulated thoughts.

I want to voice my thoughts but I have no thoughts. Words on white mean nothing do nothing say nothing go nowhere. I take my parents issues and for some reason subconsciously channel it into negative energy towards myself. I am not sure why I do this.  I open myself slightly but then close myself again and lock the doors before giving the key away. The reason for this behavior is insecurities; not feeling good enough, lack of confidence, feeling that I do not deserve love. This is most likely a result of so many encounters with unrequited love but only holds significance because I give it so much credit. What is nothing was given much significance? I guess life wouldn't be worth living. There are a lot of things I want to learn about but I do not have a good way of going about doing it. I need to split my time evenly between a bunch of things; effectively gaining ground in multiple areas to become rounded, solidified, and stable. I must learn to do things on my own, and understand the way life works completely. I must find my place in the world quickly and absorb all the knowledge there is to know about the government, world history, and how the world and people work generally. A lot of my time is spent figuring out how to spend my time. A lot of my time is spent trying to change myself. Trying to morph myself into the person I believe I should be. Is the person I want to be different from the person I am ultimately to become? Can they ever be the same? If you don't determine fully who you become, then who does? I need independence if I want to go anywhere. Somewhere, deep inside, I am still the shy girl afraid to talk to waitress at a restaurant when ordering dinner. Hesitation happens at any form of extroverted consciousness.

There is so much I want to say but my thoughts carry no mouths, just legs.
When will I stop asking myself what I am doing, and just do it?
There is no right and wrong in life. There is no should. There is no right way to live as long as you are still progressing forward. A person can do whatever they want. There is no cycle you need to live by, no clothes you need to buy, no lifestyle you need to abide by. But we are tangled in the webs of capitalism....atleast here in the US. and generally, we are strangled by the webs of government. But we would be the same with a lack of government too. We are free within our own human confines, within our own limitations and once we learn to fly at an even pace across the sky, we will learn the tricks.
The only limitations that really limit you are the law and your own mental strings born from life events that one places too much meaning on. We allow things to shape us just like we allow things to fall off our shoulders and onto the group. Eventually, we allow our water to be evaporated back into the air, only later letting it drench us and nourish us from the hot, hot sun.

There is so much I need to say but I don't know how, there's so much.
so much.