sometimes, things feel really really tough. like you're sinking in quick sand or mud and you can't get out and you're slipping away quickly with something to grip onto.

it's a really tough feeling to feel that way.

but then other times, things just somehow seem to make sense.

somehow, it seems like all the negative things and times it feels like you're slip slip slipping away quickly are actually worth it, and they somehow seem to make sense.

the chain reaction makes sense

my senior year of high school I found my love for cooking. the first thing I ever made was a homemade mac and cheese. came out great.

the second thing I made that made me love cooking was a spicy swiss chard soup. that was the first time I fell in love with cooking.

i've loved cooking ever since. and sometimes i've hated myself for loving food. sometimes I still do because I don't feel happy with my body which makes me feel guilty about loving to cook and bake.

but that's where it kind of all makes sense

being unhappy with my body has given me a chance to change my diet, cooking styles, and eating habits.

i've been cooking for years, but have only recently realized how much cooking, and food in general, has actually taught me.

trying to eat healthy, watching what I eat, has made me learn so much.

just by trying to monitor how much I eat and what I eat, I have learned to take one day at a time. 

I have learned the true power of presence and being mindful and to really sit with my feelings. to let my food digest. to not be impulsive when I feel a food craving. to think before I act. whether that be what I put into my body food or drink-wise, or about my thoughts too.

I have learned how to be a lighter person and a more patient person from changing my relationship with food.

I have learned to be thankful  to the earth for its bounty, especially that which is specific to the months.

I have learned the true power of the mind body connection. And that when you eat healthy, your mind is healthy. 

Things like this do not happen by chance. I willed this to happen.  I led myself here on my own, by listening to my gut.  By doing what I know is best for me and my body.

When you make decisions like that, it resonates with you. It lifts you higher.