tnar

i don't really mean what i say. but only on this site. i say angry, bitchy, terrible things on here. and people probably read it and think i'm insane. oh well. people are people. i wish everyone wasn't on my case so much. i'm a human. i'm going to be upset about the things that have happened. there's no way around it. no way of thinking differently. i'm a strong girl. and i'm being strong. but it doesn't stop this from being hard. it doesn't stop this from being SO hard. i don't get it. i don't understand how you can just be so in love with someone and then in such a short time, effortlessly replace them with somebody else. how can you just be okay with that? how can you just look to your right and not miss the fact that it is me? how can you allow her to lay in the same places that we layed in and be okay with that? how can you just completely forget about the thousands of times we've done the things we love to do together? i don't understand. that's not a natural thing. that isn't fair. maybe it wasn't what i thought it was. maybe i'm the one who's blind. maybe i was caught up. but still. it's killing me. it makes me want to break and crumble. someone who i've given everything to. my whole. my mind. my trust. they can just go and easily move on to somebody else. why? why does it take me so long but others so easy? do i not make that much of an impact? do i not hold the right place?

insecurities secure the insecure. you know?

everything is so messed up. pieces don't fit together. things don't fall into place. i really don't even understand. but whatever. what ever. there's more to life. it's not ever. it's never over. i've been here before. i've gotten over it before. new colors will appear and the back of my eyelids won't feel so structured. things fall out of place for other things to fall into place. tomorrow is going to be a great day. i could be an addict. i could be a lot of things. negative into positive, it's time to leave this.