I just don't know. I really don't know and I can't believe I don't know. I have no idea. Not a fucking clue. I want to go away. I know that I will be happiest if I go away. I need to go away for the sake of my own creativity and well being. I want to be with new people and force myself outside of my comfort zone. I want something that will invigorate me. I want to be in the city, I think, but I honestly feel like I could be happy anywhere. I adapt well to situations and I would be able to grow comfortable in the place I am at, if given the chance to stay there for a prolonged period of time. I want to go away because being on my own will objectify things, make them more clear for me. I need some sort of way to help me decide. I don't know I feel so lost.

If I go away it's going to cost money. I will be without a job and without incoming money and I will be in debt. I feel that I am wasting my time here by living at home. I feel I could be thriving in other places, being in a new environment. Doing things with new people, testing my energy levels. I don't want to wait another year to go to main campus. I don't know if I belong there. The problem is I just have this weird feeling about it. I want somewhere smaller. But Penn State has everything you could ask for. this is a hard decision.