Thursday, December 29, 2011
Walking through a dimly lit sorority house. I know about half the people in this house. Everyone around me is very drunk. I seemed to have arrive at an inopportune time because everyone and everything was flying right by me. The noise floating above my head. I walk into different rooms asking for alcohol, but nobody seems to have any and it frustrates me because all I want to do is get drunk. I go into this girl Ashley's room who I know from high school. I always thought she was annoying but she is my last resort for alcohol. She has no alcohol, but is still just as crazy as ever and attempts to suck me into a never ending conversation. I somehow get out of it and away from there. I end up outside where I see Joe, Luke, and Nick, people I also know from high school or before that. They are drunk and on their way to some kids apartment to sleep. I don't want to go to sleep, I just want to get drunk, but I go with them anyway. We enter the apartment but it turns into a hotel. I lose everyone I am with and am once again by myself. Again, I am looking for alcohol or just something fun to do and I walk into people's rooms with no regard for who they are. The first room I enter is this boy Kevin's. He used to date my best friend from middle school, Alison. I enter the room and, ironically, Alison is somehow with me. I try to walk with Kevin into the kitchen before she see's but she see's anyways. I don't want her to get upset. I learn that Kevin has been living in this hotel room for quite awhile now and wishes to leave but has nowhere to go and nobody to go with. I say I am trying to get out of here, go somewhere, go anywhere and without hesitating he packs his things and we go. Alison disappears and it is just Kevin and I. We have no destination but we just had wanted to go, so that we did. It turns into Kevin and I in a car. I am driving. He hands me a paper bag with two grams of weed in it and some kind of message or note that but I don't remember what it said on it. I tell him I don't smoke anymore and he grows sensitive to this saying, "hopefully that doesn't lead you to think I am a bad influence on you and your life. I wouldn't want that." I tell him no, of course not, but somehow this seems to be epic foreshadowing. We don't really go anywhere, or atleast I don't think so, because I end up at home and alone, once again. I don't know why but I am now overcome and overwhelmed with intense fear. I connect this fear with Kevin's presence in my life although I am not sure why. This fear is incredibly paralyzing and hard to handle. I fear something terrible is going to happen. I try to explain this to my family but they don't believe. There is this dark energy lurking over me. I can feel it. Haunting events begin to take place. That night I wake up with a red rash all over my arms. I can deal with it, no problem. The next night something falls and begins to smoke in my kitchen. Everyone is sleeping and nobody is downstairs. It freaks me out. My fear grows more intense. The next night, there are two pieces of art in my room with the same cat on them. One is fabric and one is paint. The paint turns to fabric and the fabric turns to paint and there is an outline of a cat on my door in blood red. Fucking creepy. This takes me over the edge. I lose my mind completely to this fear. I scream, go crazy, lash out. Nobody senses this fear like I do or feels it like I do and I feel trapped by it. It is everywhere I fucking turn. I find out Alison has died. Fear increases. I can no longer mentally handle this fear and I begin tearing apart my furniture which is made of hard cardboard. I rip it and destroy it completely. The destruction feels good. I then feel I need to talk to someone about this so I get Mrs. K and she is driving, me in the passenger seat. I explain the situations to her and in front of us is a dark gloomy cloud covering the sky. Nothing feels safe. It freaks me out. She drives me to a hospital where I see Mike. He says something I don't recall and then I stand there and scream the loudest I possible can. My soul is taken over by the best of fear. I am paralyzed completely with this fear both mentally and physically. All natural sense is gone. I remember nothing else except for eternal sense of discomfort and fear that closes in around me tighter and tighter with every minute. Pretty Freaky.
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