yes.

everything's fine

it is just very irritating when people do not understand the natural progression of the human mind.
i guess i shouldn't expect

i confuse myself

what the hell is love, anyways? how is it possible for the human mind, heart, nature, soul to be so fucking complicated? how can things change so easily and no matter what you think, so effortlessly? nothing is truely what it seems. that's kind of a scary thought.


everything is happening so fast. it's all passing before my eyes. i dont want to miss it. i don't want to miss anything. bah.

sjdhash
what am i really doing here?
and is there honestly a need to even think about that fact?
does that show something? am i gone?

lopsidedallthetimeee

i dont think anything can explain this transition and how happy it makes me. seriously. i've been a ball of gray dust for years on top of years. rolling around in filth that never ended because nobody truly got up to clean. so everything just kept piling in on itself. becoming bigger. growing larger. darker. harder. it was being hardened. i guess someone must have kicked it though. someone, or something. or, nah, they just put water on it. and it's all flattened now. back to the beginning. but there's never a beginning without an end. so, ya know. water always heals. the mind is a crazy place that i haven't even begun to understand. once you think you've learned all there is to learn about yourself, you change. you react differently to a situation. that's why teenagers are never happy. everything is so unstable because we're constantly shifting our ground. trying to not spend too much time on our right leg and carefully shuffling the weight onto our left. over and over. i wish i had a better explanation. i need a better explanation. it'll come. not right now though, lol. everything is falling
slowly
into place.
i can't believe i can say that without having it seem wrong or unrealistic. am i dreaming? no. i've been asleep for so long. i told everyone else they have to wake up but maybe IM the one that was stuck in the coma. that's so completely backwards it's right. i feel like i'm standing on my own ground instead of feeling the ground crumble the floorboards above my head. i know what people mean now. by new textures and colors and shapes. i'm realizing every little thing. i'm becoming the person i want to be. the person i am supposed to be. if there is even a such thing as "supposed to". you know what i mean, though. don't you? i've said things so many times being unsure. but this is different. this is the other side of the board. this is the upside down to the upside down. i feel fucking great. i know the steps. i can't look back. i can't drown myself. i know how to swim. and the fish help me. millions. many. among everybody. within everybody.

i could write forever.
i need to write a poem.
it'll come.

___
melt in the sun. melt in the sun. who wants to come with me and melt in the sun?
hide in the sky. hide in the sky. who wants to come with me and hide in the sky?

resolchcumosuoydeeni

oh my god i over analyze everythingggggggggggggggggggggggggggg. i need to get out of hereee

im actually afraid to hangout with people. lol at that.
it's really time to get the wheels going.

everybody talks like they know the steps but nobody knows anything.

i fucking love when people post my words on their blogs.
makes me feel special hahaha :p

i hate when things feel unfinished but you can't finish them.
i hate seeing it.
meh- thats life.

goooood weekend :]

it's kind of funny.

somehow
the places we want to escape the most, right now, are the places we will be wishing we were in years from now.



everything is small. in a good way.
today's great.

i am realizing every little thing

optimism has joined me for the day.

distortion

i need to get over this. i need to get over this. i need to get over this. i need to get over this. i need to get over this. i need to accept this. i need to accept this. i need to accept this. i need to accept this. i need to accept this.


okay.
now the monster is awake.
it won't rest until there's nothing left.
maybe ever & anon
i forget about the pain.
someone bending light comes along
& flowers lean towards the sun.
some people fall in love & touch the sky
some people fall in love & find quicksand.
i hover somewhere in between I swear
i can't make up my mind.

circles. wagons. clowns. thecolorred. tricycles turn to bicycles. round and round we go. one step is all it takes. merry go round and round and round. existential carousel. carousels. haulden caulfield. spelled wrong. monsters. sunlight. moonlight. waves. indecisiveness. stomach aches. achy, achy, achy. surface diving. contradictions. pale skin. no body. no bodies. nobody. floods. hurtful floods. rooftops collapse on houses that turn to stone. black taints the brown. mixes with the green. gone. enog.

now what?
where to?
for once, it's me. i need to focus on me. the one thing i've been afraid of this whole time.

the one thing
that is
my
downfall.

there's a place in the mind that doesn't feel but it talks real loudy. tells you how it's making you react but doesn't let you feel the full affect. thank god. thank you. that little friend in your brain. the part that speaks in a language you'll never be able to understand. the part of you that makes you you because it's the only part that won't.



slowlyslowlyslowly everything begins to disintegrate.

i feel so lopsided.

sometimes i am the strongest girl in the world.
and other times i become the completely opposite.

the answer

"get off."

i miss you so much. it makes me so sad