If/when (clearly preparing myself) I live in a dorm, I will have to prepare myself for those nights in which I get drunk and then cannot smoke in my dorm room. I will have to go outside, find somewhere to smoke real fast, and then proceed to do so. This will be a change of pace.

A change of pace is what I need.


I thought I wanted to stop smoking anyways?!



There will be numerous nights of me walking far as fuck because I didn't want to catch the bus.
If every girl wears heels at PSU then  I don't know how I will deal with that.
Heels are for attention whores.
I am who I am. I am short. I don't need to accentuate anything else with heels.
Heels are only meant to be worn on special occasions.


You best fucking believe.

I am not, nor will I ever be, one to judge.


This can be taken in both negative and positive ways.
THIS CAN BE TAKEN IN BOTH POSITVE AND NEGATIVE WAYS

It really seems like Billy Corgan hates all other bands categorized in the same genre as he is. Why does he feel so superior? He is not the greatest. In fact, he is known to be one of the biggest assholes in the industry. Sure, he's smart. But his presence on stage, which is what a lot of the fans base their opinion off of, will agree that he is an arrogant fool.

CREATION CAN COME FROM ANYTHING, EVEN FUCKING DESTRUCTION. 



"What is the issue that is eating you up? What is the personal fear that you can’t resolve and you can’t tolerate? Are you getting old with fucking NOTHING to show for it? Then, write Invisible Monsters. Are you worried that your brain or talent isn’t capable of creating anything interesting or unique, and you’ll die and rot and be forgotten – failing everyone you love? Well, then write Diary. My point is, use the story to explore and exhaust an issue of your own. Otherwise, you’re just dicking around, playing “let’s pretend.” If you can be ruthless and honest about your own fear, you express something that other people can’t express. You can resolve your own anxiety – through research, discussion, experiment – and that freedom is what brings you back to writing.

What could you never talk about in a million years? Then, write about that."

I'm sorry I kiss you all the time.
I don't really want to.
I probably shouldn't.

I like to ask questions, listen to music,  write, try new food, travel, help people, learn about why people act the way that they do.


where can this all lead me!?!?!?!?!?!?

I just wanna know what it feels like to actually LIKE someone and not just have slight physical attraction for them

I just can't rid the thought that no matter how many people we surround ourselves with, how much we confide in them, and how much we trust them, we are all alone in it all and we will all die alone.

I know it's sad but it's just the truth.

We are each our own separate entity and even when we come together we are still a part

I still kind of think it is a reasonable outcome that there are people who emit positive energy and people who emit negative energy. Both are needed to balance each other out within the confines of the atmosphere. What if I am innately made to emit negative energy....?

The worst part of this all is that nobody can help me but myself yet I don't know how to help myself. Nobody can tell me what to be or think or do or feel, only me.

If I had passion I wouldn't be so lonely. If I had goals and aspirations I wouldn't be so alone. I need something to reach for, something to create and house myself within.

I don't want to find another person for that. I want to create a life for myself doing the things I love. but what are those things? I don't get how I cannot tell you what I love. I don't understand this.

How do I find this passion? This existential reasoning?
I am afraid that without it I will just disintegrate into thin air

I want to have a mental break down so I can figure out how to correctly place myself in this society.

I have no fucking idea what i 'm doing or why i'm doing it.

i guess the reason i hate sexual inclinationblust is this: even if the smarter and more interesting girl isnt as good looking, the best good looking girl will get the majoritty of the attention despite their ability to be or do something.  just. sexual want and i guess even need makes people blind to who and what people actually are. i dont like or want it. i want someone to know and like who i am without ever experience that side of me first. sex should come later, third, fourth. not first or second. i guess this is the reason. i guess i can pretend to know what im talking about

what happens when you bring your friend to a party with you and she's hotter than you are?

i dont know how to have feelings for guys.

i want to take time off from school. live on my own.
i want to sleep too much until i get sick of sleeping. then i want to experiment with things that will occupy me while i dont want to sleep.
i want to start yoga and meditation. i want to change my mindset, my lifestyle, myself.
i want to find myself, my purpose, my reason.
i want to find my center and the correct energy that resonates.
i want to find the correct steps, if there are even any steps  at aill.
i want to stop wanting things and instead be where i have no wants.

Idk I probably could fall in love with someone just by the way they ate my pussy

oh and one more thing


when you are in love, you let that person grow into you. when you aren't, you only let them grow alongside you.

passion passion passion I want to be filled with passion. I want my veins to become colored and solid, never changing or altering. same with myself. I want to become something for the sake of an idea. I want to lose myself to something, give all I can to the accomplishment of a long term dream. Where are my hope and dream? Where are my desires? where the hell am I?

yeah she's wearing the night's expression

I want to fall in love to Minus the Bear but it'll never happen ya know?

nobody understands me and I have a poor way of letting myself out.

I
MUST
LET
MYSELF
OUTTTT\

i'll never let on that I was a sinking ship, i'll never let on that I was down

INTOXICATED WITH THE MADNESS I'M IN LOVE WITH MY SADNESS

tonights agenda:

Homework
drank
tumblr
pastels
smoke
pastels
write
sleep

okay

I want to fall in love again but I am afraid i'd begin to miss it too much once it is gone and then
I would slip.


It's all about conquering the fear. The fear. The Fear.

if it is possible to fall in love with someone for a night... a mix of the person you think they are mixed with the person you are only a quarter of the time mixed with equal intentions and if music was actually love which was actually the theme of the night, then yes I did really fall in love.

For a night.

I am more lonely than I care to admit to even myself

I am figuratively throwing up my feelings

he had facial hair and I didn't even touch it.

I must
I must
I must
train my mind to think positively
get a hobby-
         art pastels poltics environmentalism french photography music movies
do yoga/meditate
write 1 prompt a day
rearrange my room
solidify