i dont know how to have feelings for guys.

i want to take time off from school. live on my own.
i want to sleep too much until i get sick of sleeping. then i want to experiment with things that will occupy me while i dont want to sleep.
i want to start yoga and meditation. i want to change my mindset, my lifestyle, myself.
i want to find myself, my purpose, my reason.
i want to find my center and the correct energy that resonates.
i want to find the correct steps, if there are even any steps  at aill.
i want to stop wanting things and instead be where i have no wants.