I lose it and gain it back and lose it and gain it back and repeat over and over and over and over again.

yes no yes no yes no yes no
i am enough i'm not enough i am not enough i'm not enough i am enough im not enough
i like this i hate this i like this i hate i like this i hate this
i want this i don't want this i want this i don't want this i want this i dont want this

back and forth and back and forth and back and forever forever and ever and ever

I keep having a recurring mental image of me taking a very hot shower and then leaning against the back wall and slowly slipping down, forward, until i'm completely lying on my back with the steaming hot water drowning me.

This is how I feel about my life right now.