So I am secretary for a club at school.
I created an end of semester survey to get some feedback.
I asked people what they would change and for some reason I liked this girls answer. Seemed like something someone would say if they were to voice-over my life in movie format. Or, maybe I just like how it sounds. Idk.

Q: what would you change?
A: nothing at the moment. Maybe the room. I hate these chairs.

If I were a house I would be one of the ones you don't notice at first but once you do, you can't take your eyes off it.

I meet someone attracted & fall in love with the idea of them.
I don't know how to love anyone bc I can't even love myself.
There is so much arm here.
I am still pushing away.
This is the opposite of what I know I need to be doing.
So then why do I do it?
The sadness is too comfortable.
The silence is too loud yet allows me to sink.
I want to escape like I always have.
I've been saying the same things for years.
I am a pathetic person with no passion and no definition.
I don't know how to have fun.
I just want to sleep.

I just want to be somebody else or feel different or redefine everything I've known. I am tired of feeling this way.

I still think about being intimate with a girl quite a lot.
I still want it to happen.

"you can't just major in Psychology because you think it's going to fix you. you actually have to want it"

I don't know myself well but I do atleast know that I LOVE Franz Ferdinand

he told me he thought i'd never lose myself,
yet that's all I think I have become.

I keep trying to ignore it, but underneath it all I truly feel like I have no true friends.

and I feel like it is my fault.

I don't know what to do.

I need to create somethingggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
I need something to feel real
I need something to last
I need to fall in love
Create a picture
A painting
Go somewhere
Do something
Find a purpose
Find a direction
FALL IN LOVE
I am sinking
I don't know
This is not living
This is not happiness
This is invisibility
This is insecurity.

It takes a tremendous amount of energy to try and act like nothing bothers me.
It takes an enormous amount of energy to act like I don't feel 100% alone in this world.

I just can't escape the hindering and suffocating distance I feel from everyone around me.

I feel so fucking alone.