and i'm not sure if I even know how to be happy or will ever get there. and I feel like by saying that it is just making me never get there.

I really make myself so sad.









I hate you

i'm feeling depressed again.

I want to live on my own so I can fill my space with books and reproductions of famous paintings and tapestries.

52 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU

why does the thought of
love just fucking
sicken me
right now?

I don't know anything. I don't know a thing.



Knowledge is power. feet facing inward.

what is this...?

so far things have been smooth sailing, unless I allow my head to unravel incessantly. money comes at the right time and small signs of comfort form and solidify the cracks in the pavement. a few small cracks are necessarily though. nobody wants to even touch anything that is factory new. things happen as they are meant to and if you let them, with ease.
don't pay the crime if you can't do the time.
what I can't control at this moment need not be a huge weight.
decisions to be made soon. colors forming in the distance
vague appearances turn to final countdowns of time up on the rooftops.
things happen as they are meant to
and if you let them,
with ease.

idk. my want to be intimate with a woman is coming back again. the want to just experience it. yeah. idk.

everytime I eat a grapefruit it's like i'm eating a vagina. I mean, I imagine it that way for some WEIRD reason. oh...

a haiku has the
amount of days there are in
a full week of time


5
7
5

I dont really do anything I tell myself I would and that's a huge problem for me.
I need to get up and get going.

once more into the fray
into the last good fight i'll ever know
live and die on this day,
live and die on this day.

breakyourfuckingbones --> nocturnal static







true progression from black to white

pheromones are a funny thing

it makes me happy that we are all humans and at the end of a sad/touching movie, nobody knows what to say, and so nobody says anything. the silence is comforting.

why is everyone so afraid of being alone? it's not that bad.

we're all alone in this together. we are all doing the same exact thing, running in circles and down roads to get to the houses we want to stay at. we all want the same things, just in different variations, but for similiar reasons. we all have hearts that pump blood through our veins which are housed by muscles supported by bones covered in skin. we are not even different, really. unless you count the differences.

"Why doesn't anyone I know sleep? Are they all just scared of their dreams? When they lay down their heads at night what are they haunted by? Why won't anyone just close their eyes? Could it hurt them to rest for awhile? Do they need their friends to be a lover? Or a lover to be a friend?"

I think I am just afraid to admit it

I often wonder what I am doing here, what I am doing there, what I am doing anywhere. I spin in circles and blend into the floor boards. I bury myself in the sand only to realize I am just a tiny grain. But if I change my shape maybe someone could find me.

I don't know what to believe anymore. but the even more annoying aspect to this all, is that I never really did.