Monday, September 14, 2020

 I have spent an inordinate about of time reading past blog posts, searching for sparks of inspiration or words that fit. But in doing so, I realized I am reinforcing old ways of thinking and old beliefs that no longer serve me. Perhaps never served me. Ones I am ready to get rid of. 

New Beliefs:

-I physically strong, I am capable of accomplishing goals and maintaining weight 
-I am healthy in my habits. I give my body what it needs, listen to cravings and cues, and nourish my body with healthy ways to satisfy what I want and need.
-I am worthy. Despite awkwardness, bitchiness, not knowing references, etc.'
-I belong. In social settings, in friendship circles, in groups. I belong and have a unique perspective that I bring to the table. 
-I am okay just as I am. I do not need to know it all, be up to date with pop culture, know all the historical events or funny memes. I am okay without all those things. I am okay because I exist, I breathe, I am alive.
-I can be loved despite what i've experienced. I can be loved BECAUSE of what I experienced. I have perspective and experience and wisdom.
-I will not be held down by money. Money is not limited in my life. There are multiple ways to make money, and I will find those ways and pay off my student loans so I can be independent. 

Old Beliefs:

-I am not good enough. I am not capable of being fit or fast. I am slow and too far behind. I can't catch up.
-I am boring. I am shy, and uncultured, and awkward. People don't like being around me because I am not good at conversations. I don't understand things. 
-I am not worthy of love, friendship, connection. I am not capable of it. I have flaws and bitchiness, awkwardness, brokenness that gets in the way.
-I am meant to be sad and lonely. Some people are meant to be sad and depressed. Some people are meant to be happy. It's balance in the universe. I am meant to be the darkness in order for others to shine their light.
-I am stuck because of money. I can't have the things I want because I owe money and cannot afford full independence.


This is constantly changing but I am SO excited to start this journey.
I keep reading that you must first believe you have what you want already in order to obtain it. You must believe that you have the qualities you want to possess. Example: I wanted to lose weight and get fit, and I first had to believe that I was capable of running, already a healthy eater, someone who possessed the qualities of a fit person. It all started with mindset, not physical action. 

I am excited to work more on these beliefs and work daily, weekly, etc to set more specific goals and explore what it is that fuels me, what I need and want, etc.