of course the color I want to dye my hair doesn't come in fucking semi permanent. of course.

in some cases, love is the same fucking thing as hate. I never wanted to believe it but if you can't love you hate. love = hate.

I REALLY SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT I'VE BEEN MEETING PEOPLE AND GETTING INVOLVED. I ALWAYS TELL MYSELF THAT SLOWLY BUT FUCKING SHORTLY IT WILL ALL FALL INTO PLACE, FIT TOGETHER, WORK THE FUCK OUT. BUT THE OTHER PART OF ME TAKES OVER AND I START TO DOUBT MYSELF HATE MYSELF FALL BACK INTO OLD ROUTINES AND THEN I LOSE MY BALANCE AND HAVE TO START ALL FUCKING OVER AGAIN. IVE MADE PROGRESS BUT I LET MYSELF BE NEGATIVE AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EVER ESCAPE. I AM ADDICTED TO NEGATIVITY BECAUSE WITHOUT IT I'D BE EMPTY. WRONG MINDSET NO NO NO IN THE END IT ALL GOES AWAY

HOW DO I FEEL WHAT DO I SAY FUCK YOU IT ALL GOES AWAY
HOW DO I FEEL WHAT DO I SAY IN THE END IT ALL GOES AWAY

I keep going backwards and forwards trying to determine my feelings

are you dead or are you sleeping? are you dead or are you sleep? are you dead or are you sleep? god, I sure hope you are dead.

I have been asking myself the same questions for years and years.



this is what insanity is, ISN'T IT?!