i don't understand myself. i can feel so great but never truly believe a word i say when it's not standing on a grey scale.

why do i continue to stand here in stagnation?
am i just being impatient? am i over analyzing this?
am i, in some sick twisted sort of way, actually where i want to be but refuse to believe it?
am i doomed to forever suffocate in the boxes that pessimism creates for such people?

if nobody knows
then how do we leave?