i dont mean to be this way but it just seems to be something that is out of my control. and i hate it and i want to let go of this scale and forget this shovel and go back to the water but there's always comfort in a place like this. especially once you've become used to how far down the ground goes and how much space there is between the darkness and the light. but either way, it's inmeasurable and everything is fiction. all i need is a rope in the form of a white circle, i guess. but i don't want that to feel fiction either. repeated circles. i'm stuck in my head completely and it's a terrible world. i can't do this by myself, it's really time i accepted that