love surrounding myself with beautiful people while sitting in beautiful weather. new faces are always approaching and memories are what make things feel like they are actually something. i am no longer small, i am large large large normal normal me. it feels so good. i know the steps now. jesus, it took me long enough. but i wouldn't take it back. i love that experiences i went through and the experiences i will still go through. everything is just swiftly floating by. in good ways. the things that are meant to stick will stick. and everything else, well, what's meant to be will happen. i'm not going to force things. time uncovers a lot of things.
lonely along the inner lining sometimes, but it's often subtle until the clock passes 10. but that's okay, it's basic human nature just screaming from it's cage.
time to get up and get going. college applications and SATs and senior year. people and faces and plans and memories and comfort and interest.
i want to get to know as many people as i can this year.
and the one thing i HATE that i did was spend so much time being afraid. it was so stupid of me. i was so blinded by absolutely everything. it's terrible. i hope nobody goes through that. it doesn't even benefit you in any way. normally you can grow from failure and from discomfort, but being blind by a huge black curtain that consumes you into an even larger black whole is just complete and utter tourture. i'm so glad i've made my way out of there.
DID
YOU
HEAR
THAT?
did you?
DID you?!
i made my way out.
i am out of thereeeeeeeeee.
i am free.
i am the wind.
i am the sun.
i am the grass.
oh my god, i am lightly flying.
ashdkah so amazing.
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