dont know how to open myself
dont dont
dont
know how to


i need embrace. i need comfort. i need sex. i need you. i need someone.
i want to open the parts tucked away saftely. i want to be open.
i long to intertwine. submerge myself deeply. let go. let go. go. i want to drown your body in tender kisses. (who the fuck is you, anyway?...there's nobody there) i miss connection. connection feels impossible. almost useless to try, just something that will never be. but i want to embrace you. carress your figure. tell you that youre everything i will need.

for awhile i had forgotten the darkness.
for awhile it was gone.
but
it found me.
again.

i don't know what i long for.
i no longer have a reason to swim this current.
i fear all people are the same. all reactions and interactions and situations are just images that don't mean anything.
the world is happening without me. i am a piece of dust among thousands. so many others. i have no ordinary techniques...i am not going to change the world. mediocrity is dime. but it is hell as well. i am again left with the feeling that nobody wants or needs me or thinks about me. i don't change anyones life. i have pushed people away. i'm not sure if i should bring them back or not. i dont know why i did that. or, do that. i guess in ways i don't trust myself. okay. thoughts through words. meh. makes things feel robotic and i dont know if i like that.
next.
i forget my thoughts i forget myself. i sink again