random musings bc I don't want to lose the moment

I don't know exactly why this is or what happened to cause it but I can literally feel my heart swelling. I can feel my lungs expand, preparing to take in new and fresh air. a different perspective.  a change of scenery.

i feel closer to personal comfort than i've ever felt in my whole life. and somehow, In a way in which I cannot explain, things are falling into place in a true way that matters.

Energy immited is the determining factor in every single interaction, situation, experience. Give the wrong energy out to the universe at the wrong time, and its axis tips off center. your axis tips, you tilt, and that's how you get lost. channeling the tense nature of anxiety, internalizing it in a way that's useful, and then spewing that same energy back out into the universe in a way that's easy to filter and sit with is truely how to remain open and positive.

And a lot can be said from that. A lot happens when you allow yourself to truely just feel emotions without the judgement that can sometimes come along with them. just because you feel insecure within yourself at a given moment doesn't mean that you actually 'should" or need to be define yourself as insecure. A moment of insecurity does not define you as an insecure person. A month of insecurity doesn't, either. It is crucial to allow yourself to feel but to not let these feelings define who you are deep inside.

When you're young you internalize emotions and situations in negative ways. You disect them and think about them non stop until it sickens you. And worst of all you think of ways in which this situation is true and how it defines all the negative things you have to say abiout yourself. But the fact is that just one instance isn't really a definitive factor of who you are.

We are a soul at our core and it takes time to figure out how to express our thoughts and views onto the world. it takes time to fit comfortably into our skin, to emit the emergy you want to emit, to be open enough to receive the same energy back. It's hard, it's a process, it's not easy, but it's absolutely and totally fucking worth it.

I think about the ways in which my heart swells. I think about the way in which things have played themselves out this year. Sometimes, you can't think so much before you do things. Literally, you just have to dive head first into the water to let yourself be soaked, drenched, obsorbed in it. You have to give yourself the chance to sink n order to learn how to swim.

I love my family so much even if it's a bit unconventional. My family is a group of funny, hard working, trustowrthy, and most importantly, loyal people. Each one of us would give the shirts off our backs to help a stranger. And thats something that i'm so proud of. We each would do anything to see a smile on each other's faces, to give each one of us their perfect meal for their birthday, to make them completely satisfy, if only for a moment. and whether this can be related to other families, or just mine, it doesn't matter because i'm glad to be part of a bond like that. i think it's been sometimes easy to forget the family i've had all along, the original family. I got caught up in the rush of other things. but family is everything. it's a force greater than yourself. it's an energy that is hard to be faught.

I feel happy and positively progressing. I feel I can be okay in the moment. I feel I can keep progressing if i'm honest with myself and those around me. Things always fall together in one way or another, and it's been shown and showing.

i want to continue this feeling. I want to understand it better so I can refer back to it easily when i'm in need. down and out. I want to hold it in the palm of my hand and never let it go. I want to ingrain it in my body, in my being, submitting to it.

My heart is swelling, and all I can think about it how much i just can't wait to float on top of the ocean with someone else.