I speak of things I don't believe but want to believe.

I am a parasite to my own life and my own well being.

I am afraid of everything around me, and have never be able to speak a word when I really have wanted to. Like the time I went on stage in 4th grade and had this inner feeling deep down that I could act, but never, to this day, have ever gained the guts to grow the strength to knock the walls down.

I allow fear to be my safety blanket. meant to save me, protect me, it is suffocating me, and laughing as I fall for its games repeatedly over and over.

what once felt trusting has turned bitter and cold. it has turned its back on me, knowing it is better than me. and I could kill it if I knew the correct means. It is living off of my own negativity. I keep the monster alive because I do not realize that it is all

in my control.

I don't understand how you can just stop thinking about something that you want so badly and that is the basis of your thinking in order for you to achieve what you want. when you stop wanting it, it comes right? but how do you just shut your brain off? it doesn't work like that.

I am too pale and tired of my sentences starting with I. I want to start them with We. I like that so much better. I want to share things. but my fear makes it hard.

if the submission to weakness is really strength, then maybe I shouldn't feel so bad.

Maybe I shouldn't feel so bad.