I don't sleep at the right times
I second guess myself entirely too much
I want to be alpha but i am beta
I drink until i forget my head, which means too much.
Sometimes i have no idea what to say
I suck in energy instead of create it.
I am a vampire in that sense.
I think about how to change my energy or how to pretend to be extrovert.
Then i realize it's bullshit, why should i have to pretend to be anything?
Nobody tells you it's okay to live a small life
Nobody tells you when you're growing up that happiness is your own
They tell you that if you don't follow the rules of society than you won't be happy.
You go through 18 years learning this until you're going out into the vast atmosphere
No longer magnetic
And you realize the foundation you thought you had was based on selfish greedy motives.
So you lose the sense of what holds you together
But you're at a point in life that is begging for you to deliver some type of solidarity.
Life is asking you to form a solid shape,
And all you want to do is spill yiur liquid onto the ground.

This identity discord is hard to face but eventuakmy we realize how to become a person.
What it means to hold some kind of significance.
And we start filling in these holes
Slowly
With experiences, opinions, and feelings that we create and want.
We start to love who we are bc we are now a manifestation if what we think is beautiful, whole, and good.
We begin to cope with life
Learn from our experiences
Abs enable ourselves to love others
Bc in turn we learn to love & defune ourselves.
Life is a series of compiled events that are there for reasons that don't show up until later.
But life always gives us what we need in each moment .
The rest is in us to figure out what to do with it.